


Not Without Me

by goldenheadfreckledheart



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Bellarke, F/M, Fluff, Girl Band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-02-11
Packaged: 2018-03-11 16:58:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3331712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenheadfreckledheart/pseuds/goldenheadfreckledheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin, lead singer and songwriting whirlwind, was technically to blame for the band’s existence. A round of sugar-induced, sleep-deprived karaoke after midterms freshman year (it turns out Clarke is only seemingly uptight until you get her singing) had her roommates, Raven and Octavia, insisting on forming a band.  And so they did. And it was horrible until it wasn’t.</p>
<p>(AKA Clarke writes a song about Bellamy to get him out of her head, but only ends up falling harder.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Without Me

**Author's Note:**

> Based off the prompt "Not without me" from Rashaka on tumblr.
> 
> This moved pretty far away from my original interpretation of the prompt, and I’ve definitely learned that my AU writing needs improving (I can’t write angst, dammit). Live and learn I suppose. This is fluff all the way through.
> 
> Also, I feel like the number of times I used the word ‘smiled’ in this fic is rivaled only by the number of bellarke eye-rolls. I just want these dorks to be snarky and happy together, okay?

A somewhat rowdy group of friends dominated the back booth of The Ark Restaurant and Bar, as they did most Friday nights.

They got complaints from time totime, but the owner tended to let it slide, considering that three members of the aforementioned group also happened to comprise an indie rock band that played there free, once or twice a week.

Granted, they were pity gigs at first, but once Renegade Royalty actually got good (don’t ask about the name, they’ll roll their eyes and mumble something about a keg party freshman year) Marcus Kane, the restaurant’s owner, offered to start paying them. They’d built a small base of dedicated fans that always bolstered business on the nights they played. The band turned it down the pay though, insisting it was all they could do to repay the man who’d given them their start.

Raven Reyes, lead guitar and resident tech genius, sat in the corner of the booth next to Wick, her on again, off again, sometimes-boyfriend. The rest tended not to question their relationship; anything was better after Finn. Across from them sat Octavia Blake, bass and backup vocals, and Lincoln, who, occasionally roped into playing drums, was deemed an honorary member of the band. Their relationship was the most longstanding in the group, and no one really doubted they’d be together for years to come.

Big brother Bellamy Blake, who sat on the other side of Lincoln, hadn’t been pleased with the relationship at first, but now even he couldn’t deny that they were good together. He grinned and rolled his eyes at something his sister’d said, turning to the blonde next to him.

Clarke Griffin, lead singer and songwriting whirlwind, was technically to blame for the band’s existence. A round of sugar-induced, sleep-deprived karaoke after midterms freshman year (it turns out Clarke is only seemingly uptight until you get her singing) had her roommates, Raven and Octavia, insisting on forming a band.  And so they did. And it was horrible until it wasn’t.

Clarke shook her head at Bellamy’s annoyance, a small smile at her lips. Their friendship was an interesting one, considering they could hardly stand to be in the same room when they’d first met.

Clarke couldn’t help it, Octavia’s brother had been an arrogant pig who thought he knew better, and  _more_ , than everyone. Plus she’d seen him with three different girls within a week of knowing him.

To Bellamy, Clarke had been his sister’s uptight roommate who insisted on countering anything he ever said, if not because she actually disagreed, then simply to spite him.

It wasn’t until they ended up in the same public speaking class (cue the eye rolls) and were assigned to each other as partners (cue  _harder_  eye rolls—like so far back it kind of hurts—there, now you’ve got it) that they somehow learned to get along.

Turns out Bellamy’s vast knowledge on a number of subjects, history in particular, combined with Clarke’s penchant for organization and logic made for a pretty good combination. Add to that the fact that were both somehow exceptionally good at giving speeches (maybe their shouting matches were good practice) and they had dominated the class. The professor was so impressed she made them paid TAs for the next semester, resulting in a high-five that was perhaps the first positive interaction they’d ever had.

Bellamy eventually realized that Clarke wasn’t really uptight so much as she was structured in such a way that her stress wouldn’t eat her alive. Being in band and taking an overly-full course load each semester would necessitate such a skill. And he might never admit it, but her voice was the best he’d ever heard. It’d been her vocals that won him over when he was skeptical about the band, his sister’s newest crazy idea.

And now Clarke could admit that Bellamy wasn’t a know-it-all just because he knew a lot of things, plus she couldn’t really deny that he was an amazing brother to Octavia. She was surprised to learn that he was generous with favors, which was how he ended up helping them load up equipment after nearly every one of their shows. It took her a little longer to realize that his romantic conquests were none of her business as long they weren’t hurting anyone.

And so, without anyone really understanding how, they became friends. Close enough that when Jasper and Monty, the inseparable jokers of the group, reached the punchline of a story they’d been building up for nearly five minutes, Clarke leaned into Bellamy for support, unable to contain her laughter.

Caught up in the mirth of the moment, Bellamy’s arm fell across her shoulders as he leaned forward to set his drink on the table to avoid spilling as he too collapsed in laughter. Sure Jasper and Monty could be a pain in the ass, but they also happened to be  _hilarious_.

Not long after that, Clarke was ushering the group out of the restaurant.

“C’mon Clarke, s’not even midnight,” slurred Jasper as he nearly fell out of the booth, grasping Monty’s shoulder for support.

“It’s 1 am Jasper,” she deadpanned, “And if I remember right you have an O-chem midterm on Monday that you can’t just wing this time.”

Jasper’s face fell, “Oh. Yeah. Thanks mom.”

Clarke shook her head at that. “Plus O, Raven, and I are rehearsing tomorrow morning, right?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at her bandmates.

They both grumbled their assent. None of them  _liked_  practicing early on a Sunday, but with their school and work schedules it was the only choice they had.

The group made their way out the door, Clarke and Bellamy bringing up the back, heads close together, continuing a conversation from earlier.

“Clarke, I told you, its fine, I can cover your discussion this week,” Bellamy was saying.

“I just, I hate to be an inconvenience,” she began, but a glance at Bellamy’s expression had her cutting her sentence short.

“Okay,  _fine_ ,” she said, her grin undermining her mock annoyance, “thanks, I owe you one.”

“No problem, just write me a song and we’ll call it even,” he smirked at her devilishly.

Bellamy had been jokingly asking her to write him a song for ages now, and she always refused, teasing that she couldn’t compromise the integrity of her music just because her friend was a narcissist. Bellamy, in response, always looked appropriately offended.

So it was no surprise when Clarke didn’t even deign to respond to his request. She glanced up, missing his small frown, to notice that they’d fallen behind their friends, who were all out the door now.

“C’mon,” she said, grabbing his arm, “They’re gonna give me shit for being the last one out after I was rushing everyone to leave.”

Bellamy laughed, letting her drag him to the door.

Upon making it outside it appeared that anyone who was going to comment on their lateness (read: Jasper and Monty) were a bit too tipsy to notice.

Wick, on the other hand, was apparently just tipsy enough to say something.

“Oh there you guys are,” he said, clumsily draping his arm around Bellamy’s shoulders, “So are you guys dating yet or what?”

“I mean Raven says you’re not,” he continued on, oblivious to the matching looks of shock on the two friends’ faces, “but I mean, I see how you guys look at each other and I thought, ‘Nah, that  _can’t_  be right’ and you don’t fight like you used to…”

It was at that point that Raven came to the rescue, pulling Wick off of Bellamy and shooting them an apologetic glance over her shoulder, “See you tomorrow Clarke.” Clarke nodded, still looking a little shaken.

“Been telling people you want to date me Griffin?” Bellamy nudged her shoulder, “You could’a just asked, I would have—” he stopped, a mock pensive look on his face, “well, I would have at least considered it.”

Clarke, who had managed to compose herself, knocked her shoulder back against his, albeit a little harder than he had done, “Please Blake, you  _wish_  I wanted you.”

“Ah! Such an original comeback, it hurts,” he mocked, clutching his chest, trademark on his lips.

“Shut up, I need sleep,” she grumbled, turning to walk to her car.

“Goodnight Princess.” he sing-songed after her.

She turned around, mid step, glaring, “When are you going to give that up?” Her face softened after a moment, “And Bellamy?”

“Yeah?”

“Really, thank you for covering my discussion. You may be an ass half the time, but you’re a life saver.”

“Always so graceful with your gratitude Clarke, but like I said, it’s no big deal.” He smiled widely at her, “Goodnight.”

“’Night,” she responded, a strange warm feeling in her chest.

It wasn’t until she should have been sleeping that she began to over think things.

————

Clarke showed up to the rehearsal space late the next day, a giant cup of coffee in her hand and bags under her eyes.

“There you are Clarke,” Octavia greeted her from where she was plucking out harmonies on the keyboard, “Woah, what happened to us all getting some sleep?”

“Mmm,” Clarke grumbled, “Not my fault, brain wouldn’t stop.” Octavia quirked an eyebrow in question, but let it drop when it was clear that Clarke wasn’t going to elaborate.

Rehearsal went alright. Maybe Clarke didn’t quite hit all the notes, but she was adamant about the fact that she was fine.

“I’m just tired, that’s all. Sorry guys,” she said as they parted, Octavia off to work, Raven to campus to study, Clarke back to the apartment.

“No worries, just get some rest,” Raven said patting her shoulder on the way out the door.

————

Raven came home after class the next day to a quiet apartment.

“Clarke, O? You guys home?” she called, kicking the door shut behind her.

“In here!” came Clarke’s voice from her room, “I think Octavia’s still out with Lincoln.”

“Ugh, thank god you’re here, I need to rant to you about my stupid Ethics TA.”

She pushed through Clarke’s door, finding the girl sprawled out on her bed, nose in a book. She glanced up as Raven came in, smiling.

Raven blinked. “Okay. What’s wrong?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Clarke,” she sighed, dropping onto the bed, “it’s a Monday. You’re not freaking out over school work or furiously writing lyrics. Something is wrong.” She raised an eyebrow.

Clarke looked affronted, “I’m taking a break, aren’t you guys always telling me I should relax more?”

“Yeah, but I never thought you’d actually  _do_ it. Plus you’ve been acting weird since…,” Raven’s eyes went wide, “No,” she stood abruptly, pointing at Clarke with a look of half shock, half accusation, “Please don’t tell me this is about what Wick said the other night.”

Clarke flushed, “No, I know he was drunk, he didn’t mean anything. It’s cool.”

“Maybe he didn’t, but  _you_ did,” Raven retorted, still standing over her.

“Raven that doesn’t even make sense,” Clarke said, rolling her eyes and turning away to hide her traitorous blush.

“Shut up,” Raven dropped back down onto the mattress, “you know what I mean. And don’t think I don’t see you blushing,” Raven reached over to pluck the book out of Clarke’s hand, ignoring her protests.

“This is about Bellamy.”

Clarke’s mouth fell open, arm still outstretched, reaching for the book, “It—it’s not! I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Reyes.”

“Shit. It totally is, oh my god.” Just then, sounds of Octavia unlocking the door came from the other room.

“Good, she’s here, might as well get this over with now,” Raven said, more to herself than Clarke.

“Raven what the hell—” Raven held up a finger to silence her friend, before shouting “Octavia! Get in here!”

“Woah, I’m here, what’s up?” Octavia asked as she walked into the room moments later, eyebrows knit together. By way of response, Raven wordlessly took out her wallet and handed her a twenty dollar bill.

Octavia’s eyes went wide, “No…”

“Yes,” came the reply from Raven, who looked strangely happy for someone who’d just lost twenty bucks.

“Oh my god. FINALLY.”

You might have heard Clarke’s groan from a few miles away.

—————

When Clarke came to them with her plan at the end of the next day’s rehearsal, her bandmates were understandably confused.

“You wrote him a song…” Raven began.

“…because you don’t  _want_  to like him?” Octavia finished, the baffled look on her face mirroring Raven’s.

“Look, I know it sounds dumb, and I  _know_  that you two are dying for this…” Clarke gestured awkwardly, “ _thing_  to happen, but I’d appreciate it if you could stick with me on this.”

Raven mumbled something under her breath that sounded like, “It’s not just  _us_ ,” earning her an elbow in the ribs from Octavia.

“Look, Clarke, we’re with you,” Octavia emphasized, glaring at Raven, “really, we are, but if this is about Finn…”

“It’s about a lot of things Octavia,” Clarke said, cutting her off, “The only reason I brought it up is because I know we’ve banned love songs,” (a rule created in the aftermath of the colossal shit storm in both Raven and Clarke’s lives that went by the name of Finn Collins) “but I feel like if I could perform it Thursday night, I could get the whole thing out of my system.”

Neither of her roommates missed the fact that Bellamy never came to their Thursday shows, seeing as he had shifts at the coffee shop that day, but, realizing Clarke was serious about this, they agreed.

“We’ll make the exception,” Octavia said, looking to Raven, who nodded in assent, “as long as you promise to be done with all the weirdness afterward.”

Clarke laughed halfheartedly, “Yeah, fair enough.”

“We’ll leave you to it then,” Raven said as they turned to go.

Clarke sighed heavily, returning to her guitar and the chord progressions she still needed to memorize.

They’d hardly been gone ten seconds before Octavia was popping her head back through the door.

“Look, don’t hate me for this, but I couldn’t let it go without telling you that Bell hasn’t been seeing anyone for the last few months, not like he used to.”

Clarke’s fingers froze on the strings, but relaxed after a moment. “Doesn’t change anything Octavia,” she responded softly.

————-

She wasn’t exactly nervous. Not really. It wasn’t as if anyone other than Raven and Octavia even knew what the song was about. She’d made the right choice. Maybe this  _was_  about Finn and having her heart broken, but it was also about Bellamy. And maybe he wasn’t seeing girls like he used to, but Clarke wasn’t ready to take that risk, because if she let herself fall, she’d fall hard, and she wasn’t sure her heart could take another mistake like that.

This all disregarded the very simple possibility that Bellamy may not even see her that way at all, and Clarke wasn’t willing to risk this strangely wonderful friendship they’d built.

Internal pep talk finished, she nodded to Octavia and Raven, and they filed onto the small stage to begin their set, greeted by scattered applause.

Raven, their unofficial spokesperson, took the mic, “Hey guys, hope you’re doing alright! You might want to stick around ‘til the end today, cause Clarke’s got something new for us.” That got a few cheers from their dedicated regulars. She continued into their standard intro, “Anyways, we’re Renegade Royalty, and one day we’re gonna change our stupid name, but today is not. that. day.” Her last words were joined by Octavia’s rhythmic strumming, Clarke’s low voice layering in a few moments later, growing louder.

————

They played through their set, even adding an extra song at Octavia’s request; possibly build up the anticipation for the new song. Clarke wasn’t sure. She’d learned it was best to just go with Octavia’s impulses rather than fighting it. As the song came to a close, she returned to center stage to introduce the next.

“Alright guys, this is our last one,” when her words were met with boos, she grinned, “It’s a new one, a little more personal than our usual stuff, but I hope you’ll like it. This is Not Without Me.”

And with that they broke into the song that she hoped would protect her heart. It was loud and fast, and she gave it all she had because if she was really gonna work this out of her system she couldn’t half ass it.

At least that’s what she was telling herself until her eyes caught a head of messy dark hair coming through the door at the end of the first chorus. She nearly missed the first words of the next verse, shooting Octavia a terrified, questioning glance.

_And I know_

_That we’re just opposites_

Octavia shrugged innocently, intent on her strumming, but Clarke caught a slight smile at the edge of her lips. She glowered at the bassist, her expression at odds with the words she sang.

_And who knows_

_If this is anything._

Scanning the crowd, her heart stopped when she found Bellamy lingering at the back, his eyes fixed on her, a questioning look in his eyes. He knew all their songs, so of course he’d know this one was new. When he realized she was looking at him, his face broke into a smile and  _damn him_  because she couldn’t contain her own as she sang the next lines.

_And maybe, I’m just naïve to believe,_

_That your smile is something out of my dreams._

Upon realizing she was essentially singing directly to him, she dropped her eyes, her cheeks beginning to burn, thinking ahead to the next lyrics.  _Why was he here?_ This made it so much harder.

_And your skin is a story_

_That I’d like to spend a while reading,_

_Your voice gets my heart beating,_

_And I am kind of terrified._

She chanced a look at him during Raven’s riff to find his eyes still fixed on hers. Taking in the blush that still covered her cheeks, his eyes narrowed in confusion, then widened. As Clarke’s heart caught in her chest,  _this was it, this was the moment where everything fell apart,_  she glanced away, and then back. It was a train wreck and she couldn’t look away.

What she wasn’t expecting was to see a grin spreading across his face as cocked his head to one side. And he looked so smug, but so  _happy_ that Clarke was caught off guard. Because here was this boy, man really, who she’d somehow fallen head over heels for without realizing it. And it was horribly cliché because, here  _she_ was, singing him a love song even though she’d sworn she’d never write him one.

And then realization hit her like a ton of bricks; that maybe all those times he’d asked for a song, he wasn’t just asking for a song. Which was fucking stupid, but also exactly something Bellamy would do.  _Idiot._  

She began the chorus with her mind already half changed.

_Well it’s been said before but I think I’ll make it my own,_

_Don’t go, don’t go where I can’t follow._

_Don’t go, don’t go where I can’t follow._

_Don’t go, don’t go where I can’t-_

_Follow, I won’t go where you can’t_

She tried and failed not to stare at him as she sang. When he mouthed a single word, “ _Me?_ ” with a knowing smile on his face, she just rolled her eyes and shrugged, because of course he would be smug about her finally writing him a song. But a second later it was something softer and genuine and  _happy_ , and if she was smiling widely through repeat of the chorus, who cared? It was a love song wasn’t it?

As the song came to a close, she finally tore her eyes from his, opting instead to close them as she crooned the last few lines, accompanied only by Raven’s gentle strumming.

_No, no, no, don’t go,_

_No, no, not without me._

_No, no, no, don’t go,_

_No, no, not without me._

She opened her eyes to cheers from the crowd and turned to Raven, who shrugged as if to say,  _maybe love songs aren’t completely horrible._ Before Clarke could turn to ask Octavia why she’d been acting so strange earlier, she felt a tap on her shoulder.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said you could have just asked,” Bellamy said, and Clarke swung around to see a shit eating grin on his face.

She glowered at him, taking a step closer, “Yeah, well if you were mature enough to drop hints besides ‘Hey Princess, when are you gonna write me a song?’ maybe I would have!” 

She’d meant it to be stern, but by the time she’d completely botched her impression of him, he was outright laughing and she couldn’t keep the giggle out of her voice. They stood there for a moment, grinning at each other, until Raven’s voice rang out, a little louder than necessary.

“Am I going to have to make the move  _for_ you two? Dear god.”

“Shut up Raven,” Clarke tossed over her shoulder as she reached up to lace her fingers around Bellamy’s neck, pressing her lips to his as his arms encircled her waist.

Jasper and Monty’s whistles from their place audience would have their ears ringing for weeks.

When they finally pulled apart, it was only far enough for Bellamy to lean down to her ear and whisper, “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

* * *

 

 

(If you want to get a feel for what Clarke’s song sounds like, you can check it out [here](https://soundcloud.com/starkid-amor/not-without-me), because this fic has owned my life for the last few days so I decided to give it a melody.) 


End file.
